a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
