he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize