we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
