I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i have two assholes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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