For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
