i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
