that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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