The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
