Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
