The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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