Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
