He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
