i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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