I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
