She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
