just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
