I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we're so committed to being not committed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
