I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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