A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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