I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
