I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
