oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
