You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
