she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
