You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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