I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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