I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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