I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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