I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
