Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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