I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
