my phone needs a breathalizer
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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