she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
