everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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