Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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