People in love make me want to vomit
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The uberlube is also flammable
We're too hungover to prance.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
