I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
