I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
