I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
