Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
