Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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