I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
