He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
