Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
