Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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