FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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