direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
