Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
