I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
