Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
