Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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