ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
and you fell through a lawn chair
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
