Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
